英语笑话大全爆笑

    　经典爆笑英语笑话The Mean Mans Party

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartnt, he said, "Co up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not ing empty-handed, are you?"

　　吝啬鬼的聚会

　　一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

　　“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”

　　“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧?”

　　经典爆笑英语笑话Ways to Report Death

　　Two brothers, Herbert and Jas, lived with their mother and a cat nad Edgar. Jas was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert ticulous instructions about the pet' s care. At the end of this first day away. Jas telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?"

　　"Edgar is dead." Herbert answered. There was a pause. Then Jas said, "Herbert, you're insensitive, you know how close I was to Edgar -you should have broken the news to slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said, 'Edgar's on the roof , but I have called the fire departnt to get him down.' And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would sueed. Then when I called the third ti, you could have told that the fire-n have done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. Then when I called the last ti, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told about Edgar. And, oh, before I fet," Jas added, "how is mother?"

　　"Oh," Herbert said, pausing for a mont, "She' s on the roof."

　　报丧方式

　　郝伯特和詹姆斯兄弟二人一起生活，家中有一老母并养了一只猫叫埃德格。詹姆斯特别喜欢这只猫。有一次他要外出几天，临行前不厌其烦地嘱咐郝伯特照顾好这只宠物。出门后的头一天晚上，他打来电话询问“埃德格好吗?”

　　“它死了，”郝伯格回答。一阵沉默之后，詹姆斯说“郝伯特，你真没心没肺，你知道我多么喜欢埃德格----你应该把这个消息慢慢地告诉我。当我问起埃德格今晚怎样时，你应该说，‘埃德格爬上了屋顶，我已给消防队打了电话，让他们把它救下来。’我明天又给你打电话时，你应该说消防队营救埃德格遇到了困难，但你相信他们会成功。在我第三天给你打电话时，你可以说消防队员已尽了最大努力，但很不幸，埃德格从屋顶上掉了下来，被送到兽医那里。在我一次给你打电话询问，你可以说尽管对埃德格做了一切所能做的努力，它还是死了。这是一个富有感情的人告诉我埃德格的消息时所用的方式。哦，趁我没忘记还有件事顺便问一下，”詹姆斯补充道，“母亲好吗?”

　　“哦……”一阵沉默后郝伯特答道，“她上了屋顶。”

 

　　经典爆笑英语笑话

　　One day, John was back ho after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many tis. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.

　　During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.

　　一天下班回家，约翰发现妻子在摇半岁的女儿，嘴里反复念道“爸-爸。”约翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子选择了“爸爸”这个词教孩子。

　　经典爆笑英语笑话Goldfish 金鱼

　　Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

　　斯丹我赢了 92 条金鱼。

　　Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

　　弗雷德你想在哪儿养它们?

　　Stan: In the bathroom.

　　斯丹浴室。

　　Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

　　弗雷德你想洗澡时怎么办?

　　Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

　　斯丹蒙住它们的眼睛!

　　经典爆笑英语笑话I am acting like a lady 我要表现得像一位女士

　　One day won's dresses were on sale at a departnt store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic won.

　　一天，一家百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给他的太太挑选一件女装。，没过多久，他就发现自己已被疯狂的女人们撞得踉踉跄跄。

　　He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.

　　他竭力地忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥舞双臂，挤过人群。

　　"You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

　　“你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得像一位绅士吗?”

　　"Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

　　“听着，”他说。“我已经像绅士一样表现了一个小时了。从现在起，我要表现得像一位女士。”

　　几周后的一天夜里，约翰和妻子被一阵哭声惊醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，亲爱的。”妻子说，然后翻身竟自睡了。

　　经典爆笑英语笑话Sunset

　　Father: This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know.

　　Friend: Ah, that aounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.

　　日落

　　父亲这幅《日落》是我女儿画的，你知道，她曾在国外学过画画。

　　朋友啊，怪不得!我在本国还从来没有见过这样的日落。